Well, I have been dreading writing this week. I am officially back in the states, and unlike previous hopes, wishes, and dreams, M and I decided staying until the season ended in France was not the best choice right now. I will admit, it was more of his responsibility and maturity that got me on that plane but the worst part of not staying was that I knew he was right. This year's plan was for both of us to maximize our savings (which is hard to do when we're together since we like to travel and spoil each other) and staying in France without a guarantee of a job was not a smart decision.
So here I am, back in Minnesota, reluctantly. Ever since being back I feel even more at a loss for direction in my life. I strongly feel that I cannot go back to my old job and perform one more meaningless day of selling copiers. I have been interviewing with a new company since before I left for France but haven't made a commitment yet; I am really struggling because I know I would flourish and thrive with this company and I would enjoy the opportunity they have to offer but it really wouldn't be fair when M and I have already decided that I would without a doubt be going with him next season, wherever that may be. So it wouldn't be fair to the company or myself to invest that time when I know beforehand that it would be a short-lived career. Then again, I have to do what I have to do, right? I've been struggling with whether to take the offer (if provided it) with this new company or do I do something like bar tend and serve until the next season? Gah, I am at such a tug of war with myself over what to do next. I feel like I need a life coach.
With that being said, I am still making every effort to live in the moment which means I'm trying to not think so much about our plans for the next season but to do what I need to do for myself...RIGHT NOW. I'm still trying to decipher what I need to do in my life right now so stay tuned as I try to figure out the next steps that will satisfy my needs as of current.
Okay, this post made me tear up and smile all at once! Out of all seriousness, Married, 2 boys and a career....x2 and I still need a life coach. We always question where we are going and what we want out of life. Well anyway, those of us that always strive for more :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes, when great opportunities arise to make you happy. Don't question, leap. Don't dwell on the fact that you may be leaving in a season. Make the most of the potential career or life choice you want or should make. If you don't stay at a great career for personal choice, at least you can't say you never went for it and no regrets. You may not feel it's "fair" to the company, however it is. Employers always take that chance, and your taking that chance yourself. Investing in your own future for something that always could lead you in the direction you have always been looking forward to going to, may be the most important and life altering decision yet. But you may never know if you don't leap. Just a thought :)
I wish you THE BEST in your choices. And always remember, the choice YOU make is always the right choice for YOU. It may not be for everyone, but sometimes You come first. Life teaches us many things.