S#*! I WISH My Dad Said...

You may have heard about or seen Justin Halpern's $#*! My Dad Says anywhere from Barnes & Noble, to Target or on a morning talk show. I first heard about this laugh-out-loud book on a morning talk show where Halpern was being interviewed about said book; then, I noticed the book on an end-cap in Target while searching for a new read and originally wanted to buy it for Michael since he's not much of a reader and getting him interested in a book is like pulling teeth so I thought, what better than a short novel (less than 200 pages) that contains mostly quotations from Halpern's father.
Whether you enjoy reading or not, this book is a MUST. Halpern's father reminds me of someone like my grandfather or another father from that generation who always kept his relationships with his children at a distance and never really had anything "lovey-dovey" to say besides smart-ass comments about how you keep screwing up. Although I would find it hilarious for my children to be brought up with a father that was this hilarious, part of my thinks maybe my children would end up emotionally scarred or worse...so maybe this isn't my ideal method of parenting, but HILAROUS nonetheless.

Here is a nice preview and some of my favorite quotations:

On Yard Work
"What are you doing with that rake?...No, that is not raking...What? Different styles of raking? No, there's one style, and then there's bullshit. Guess which one you're doing."


On Proper Etiquette for Borrowing His Car
"You borrowed the car, and now it smells like shit. I don't care if you smell like shit, that's your business. But when you shit up my car, then that's my business. Take it somewhere and un-shit that smell."


On Getting a Job as a Cook at Hooters
"You, my good man, are not as dumb as I first fucking suspected."


On Taking My First Girlfriend to Las Vegas
"Vegas? I don't get it, neither of you are old enough to gamble. You're not old enough to drink. The only thing you're old enough to do is rent a hotel and-ah, I gotcha. That's smart."


On Furnishing One's Home
"Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it."


On My Interest in Going Skydiving
"You won't go do that, I know it...Son, I used to wipe your ass, I know you better than you know you...Fine, Mom used to wipe it, but I was usually nearby."


There you go! Hope you enjoy! Have a great weekend everyone :)